Sep 17, 2011

Loosening A Noose

It's been one of those days where I've had a sudden and very unexpected epiphany. These are happening more frequently, and that's got to be a sign of doing something new that's right. Right? I was just browsing a list of articles by Bing Wu, a blogger who writes on many lightworking topics I want to know more about. I'm his new biggest fan, I think. The title of one of his self-help articles immediately jumped out at me. It was, "Help! I never seem to stick with anything." Well! Reading that article has given my self-esteem a major boost. It may take a while for me to fully assimilate the lesson, but I'm definitely moving in the direction of Bing Wu. Below is the reply I posted on his blog page:

"What a great perspective! This article wasn't what I expected, but definitely what I've been needing to hear for a long time, for a couple of decades, actually. If anyone ever asked me to list major themes of my life, at the very top it would read, "I never seem to finish anything I start." I've also been reminded of it by my parents (and other influential people in my life), and that takes me to a deeper issue of this undercurrent of guilt and sense of failure I've always lived with. I know people have always wanted me to be an expert or financially "successful" at any number of things simply because, from a very young age, I've demonstrated a natural ability or great talent for it, combined with the impression that I enjoy it. My answer has always been that the problem is I have an affinity for MANY things, too many to choose from, and my brain is in overdrive 24/7. That's probably also the reason for my chronic insomnia. But when you really think about it, is being perpetually curious and multifaceted a "problem" or a bad thing? No, it's not!! But I've let myself believe it is, and I've beat myself up needlessly for over half my half-century of this life. No more! I'm going to embrace this peculiar mind I've been given, and continue to pursue what draws me. Thank you SO, SO much for this article! This new perspective is going to become a mantra for me."

Titling this new blog entry of mine also caused a light bulb to go on over my head. I'm now wondering if this deep-seated choke hold I've allowed to permeate my life is also at the root of my ongoing throat problem. For nearly two years now (geez, that long?!), I've been bothered by a persistent sensation that there's something lodged in my throat, or that my throat's being squeezed. It comes and goes, but is frequent. Organic causes have all been ruled out by my physicians, who've done numerous diagnostic tests, and finally diagnosed the condition as globus, formerly referred to by the more offensive and non-P.C. name, "globus hystericus". No home remedies have had any long term effect. The only things I've been able to associate the sensation with are exposure to extremes in temperature, unconscious shallow breathing (something I've had a problem with for over a decade), and the act of brushing my teeth. Strange things that seem unrelated to me, but maybe someone else can give me am unbiased or more educated opinion(?) I'm sure I'll be writing more about this issue, as well as the outcome of following Mr. Wu's advice in future posts.

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